• Try NOT to speed up process to get a “Yes”, very easy to leave the impression that you are ignoring your counterpart.
  • Avoid direct/assertive voice - easy to put people into defensive mode. Use a positive/playful voice by default
  • Try to trigger “No” from counter part, so that the other part feels safe. You can force a “No” by mislabelling
    • If very hard for the counterpart to say “No”, just walk away, it is too early
  • When you talk about numbers, use precise, odd ones to so that it APPEARS to be thought after
  • SLOW DOWN
  • NEVER use “I understand”
  • Liar is more likely to use longer sentences, third-party pronoun, and more complex sentences
  • Use the other side’s own name - they want to be called!
  • The more I, me, my one uses, the less impact one has in decision making. Other questions to identify deal-breakers:
    • How does this affect the rest of them?
    • How on board are people with this call?
    • What do your team see as the main challenge in this area?
  • Labelling, which works well against analyst such as myself
    • It seems/looks/sounds like… DO NOT use I, otheriwse it looks like you are self-centered!
    • pause 3-4 secs
    • Rinse and repeat
    • I didn’t say that is the actual case, I just said it seems that.
  • Anger shows your passion, but reduces your counterpart’s congintive activity due to the emotional mode. You can de-escalate by proposing a time-out. Try to calm emotion before listing theories and facts
  • Something doesn’t make sense means chance to discover unknowns! Best discovered during face-to-face communications, near breaks or meeting ends. Hard to discover during emails
  • The word “fair” is often used so the other side goes defensive and gives concessions. Common cases:
    • We just want what is fair -> OK I am sorry, let us get back to where the fair part begins
    • We have given you a fair offer -> Mirror: Fair? + Label: It seems that you have evidence to support it.
    • Powerful: Stop me at any time if you feel I am being unfair
  • List the worst thing the other side could say and say them first, this will encourage the counterpart to say what the opposite is true
  • When you sell yourself to the manager, sell yourself as ways to prove their own intelligence and that they can broadcast to the rest of the company, i.e., you are the proof of HIS importance, let him have a stake in your success
  • Power Sales Negotiators know that splitting the difference does not mean splitting it down the middle. Just split the difference twice and the split becomes 75 percent/25 percent. Furthermore, you may be able to get the other party to split the difference three or more times.
  • The first thing to remember is that you should never offer to split the difference yourself, but always encourage the other person to offer to split the difference.

How to negotiate with an accommodator

  • Time spend communicating is a sign of building relationship, which they value
  • Ask what/how questions. This lets the counterpart feel you need their intelligence to overcome the problem and they have the control on defining success. Such feeling appeals much to people with egos. It also makes people feel it is THEIR idea.
    • Avoid binary questions
    • Avoid when/where questions which can be answered without too much thinking
    • Avoid why questions, because it is easy to trigger people into fight or flight mode
    • Concretely, AFTER they agree with something for the first time. Label and summarize their answer to get a “that’s right”, and follow up with a what/how questions
      • “What do you see as being the most difficult thing”
      • “What is the biggest challenge you face?”
      • “What is the success measure”
      • “how will we know we are on track”
      • What about this is important to you?
      • How can I help to make this better for us?
      • How would you like me to proceed?
      • What is it that brought us into this situation?
    • How can we solve this problem?
    • What’s the objective? / What are we trying to accomplish here?
    • How am I supposed to do that?
      • “how do we address things if we are off-track”
  • Communicating is good sign, and slience suggests angry
  • Easy to be distracted and not good time manager
  • Hesitation comes more often in tone and body language, and NOT in words
  • Accommodators are more likely to oversell/overpromise.

How to negotiate with an assertive

  • Analytical is the worst type match with assertives. Analyst type does not enjoy “What”/”How” questions.
  • To assertives, getting things done is more important than making it perfect.
  • They need to think you understand them before listening to your pov
  • They will keep talking on every moment of slience. This leaves the room for mirroring technique
    • Use a slow, calm voice to create authority and trustworthiness. Note this voice is normally used to make a point and should NOT be the default voice
    • “I’m sorry…”
    • Repeat the last 3 words or the last critical 1-3 words of what the assertive just said
    • Keep slient and let the other side speak. This also helps reveal their strategy
    • Rinse and repeat if needed
  • Try NOT to offer trade-offs/reciprocity, because assertives will ask for more. Conversely, if they give up something, they expect something equal or more in return.
  • Get “That’s right” from them, because that is a sign they FEEL they own the conclusion.
    • Can follow up with a “According to $(name)…”
    • On the other hand, “you are right” means almost nothing, and should not definitely taken as sign of progress
    • I will try. You are right = I plan to fail. In this case, drill again with a “how” when you get a “that’s right”
  • When the negotiation is going off-track/losing focus, just invite them to re-engage