How to Recognize Hidden Feedback

People sometimes incorrectly assume that they’ve given the feedback more explicitly than they really have (“I made the same correction three times. Isn’t it obvious that I’m displeased with this?”)
People with critiques or suggestions may not even consciously realize that they have important feedback to give. They may be rushing quickly between tasks, out of touch with their actual concerns, lacking the words to express their intuitions, or only vaguely aware of the broader message that would be important to convey.

When stakeholders repeatedly return to ostensibly minor suggestions or questions, this may mask broader, unstated concerns about capability, readiness, or performance. These micro-moments typically aggregate into unspoken feedback about perceptions of leadership blind spots or weaknesses.
- “I’ve noticed you’re particularly interested in our timelines. Is there any broader concern about our execution speed, or anything else? If so, I’d love to understand it so we can step up and perform at our best.”
When people suddenly engage (or send in proxies to engage) in decisions that would not typically involve them, or when they request more reviews than usual, it can indicate eroding confidence.
When people decrease their involvement or participation without explaining why, it can be a signal that they either don’t want to engage or have deprioritized the work—both of which may indicate growing concerns about leadership effectiveness or strategic alignment.
- Why send delegates rather than attend his meetings themselves?
- “I’ve noticed a pattern in attendance at my senior talent meetings. I’m curious if there’s something about our process that isn’t working for you, or if you have suggestions for how to make them better.”

“As I look ahead, I’m trying to grow my leadership, and I value your perspective. What blind spots should I be aware of that I might not be seeing?”
“I’d value your perspective on how my message landed in today’s meeting. What signals or reactions did you notice? And how did it land with you?”
“Given your role, you might see things I’m missing. What patterns or concerns should I be aware of?”

Reframe as strategic counsel advice if the barrier to direct feedback is too high.

“As part of my professional development, I’m always looking to improve. What’s one thing you think I could be doing differently to raise my game?”
“Based on your experience and vantage point, how might you approach this challenge differently than I am?”
“If you were mentoring someone facing similar circumstances, what guidance would you offer?”

Articulate the pattern you’re seeing and more explicitly ask if there might be something important

“I’ve noticed this topic coming up in several conversations. Is there a broader concern we should be discussing?”
“This seems to be a recurring theme in our interactions. What underlying issues could we be addressing?”
“I’m seeing a pattern here that might signal something important. Could you help me understand if there’s more to explore?”

“I’d love your perspective on {} . Can you give it some thought, and let’s discuss when we meet next?”
Don’t assume the first thing they say is the only or even the most important feedback they have for you.
- “That’s interesting. Can you say more about that?”
- “Very helpful. Can you share an example?”
- “Great to know that. What else?”

Consistently applying these techniques—actively seeking cues, creating safety, deep listening, paraphrasing, following up—requires considerable time and emotional energy from the leader, which could be a challenge in demanding roles.
Instead of broad invitations, ask specific questions like, “What’s one thing you see me doing that gets in my way?” or “What’s one thing I could do differently?”.
Faster methods are often better suited for gathering more direct, already-formed feedback or making delivery more efficient, but they might miss the underlying issues that aren’t being explicitly stated. The trade-off is often between speed and the depth or nuance of the feedback obtained.